On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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