I swear god or herbie drove my car home
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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