man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
