I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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