All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
