You made me cry and you don't even care
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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