woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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