cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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