Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Randomize
