I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
