my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
