At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
