I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
