Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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