he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
