3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
