1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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