I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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