You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
