Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
We smell like vodka and hangover
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