So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
