ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
