And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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