I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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