You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
