yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
