I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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