Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just invented taco cereal.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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