Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
