No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
