I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
