So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
