I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
