i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just forgot I was standing up.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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