Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
