your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
