opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
