It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
