We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
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