Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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