I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
