he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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