so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
