I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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