The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
