I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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