I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
