I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
