sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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