I just made out with a guy for $7.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
